Saturday, August 23, 2008

All Must Have Prizes

You learn something new every day. Yesterday I learned that BMX bicycling is now an Olympic sport:

There are other activities, too, which have not yet received the recognition which is their due. Olympics-watching, for example. Think of all those Olympics-watchers out there, heroically dedicating their time to sitting in front of the TV hour after hour in the hope of punching the air triumphally when someone they've never met signals, by punching the air tiumphally, that the time is ripe so to do. Points could be awarded for the number of sores gained by the individual arse during a bout of Olympics-watching, and for pounds and ounces added through devoted motionless viewing.

In other news, and unconnected to his electoral woes, Mr Brown has promised to mug me for a 'contribution' to a popular cause:

It seems that GBP260m was splashed on 'Team GB' (Jesus wept) for 2008, and double that is planned for 2012. And so far, I see, we've won twenty squillion more medals in things the Africans cannot afford to compete in than ever before. So why stop at GBP520m? I mean if GBP260m gets us this much gloire, why not spend everything we have. Then, we will rule the worlddddddd...

That's the trouble with Mr Bean, I mean Brown. His vision is so limited. "Now we want to turn two weeks of sporting success into ten years of sporting triumph", he says. Only ten years? Why not a thousand?

Row harder, everyone, the Great Helmsman has a Plan...


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