Friday, March 10, 2006

Filthy & rich

England is getting dirtier. I am not today in reactionary curmudgeon mode, but it is true about rubbish: cartons, wrappers etc. About a month ago I drove to Windsor from London and, leaving the motorway, was astonished to find the roadside verges strewn with the chav detritus usual to Haringey or Woolwich.

In Windsor, for goodness' sake.

Opposite Brent Magistrate's Court there is a piece of communal land (i.e. owned by the council) behind some railings. It is so overrun with rubbish that it's reached the point of no-return. No one will clear it up and no one will stop to consider whether or not to add to the pile.

The street where I live is becoming more and more uninhabitable. This is not imagination, not fond false remembrance of some non-existant past; I've lived there long enough to know it's getting worse.

So here are my top tips for ensuring the country is every bit as Bristol F. as wicked America (have you seen how clean the place is? Clearly they can still get the staff ...) :

1. Local authorities should be given more 'resources'.

2. Local authorities should hire more people to wear day-glo vests and mooch around with a metal prodder trying to look busy.

3. Places like McDonalds should be fined and made to pay for everything.

4. People dropping litter should be fined and given lengthy custodial sentences.

5. There should be a person-to-person local authority-run service to go around picking up litter after us all.

6. The government should introduce incentives to ratting on people, especially family and neighbours, who drop litter.

6. The government must act to create local development zones where corporation tax is minimal if people stop dropping litter.

7. Just generally, the government should do something.

I was going to add, at 8., that people might consider ceasing to drop litter. Clearing up after themselves, as it were. But I thought that would sound kooky.

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